Thursday, June 2, 2011
I just want to take the time to stop and thank every single person who has always believed in me, even since I was a kid. This season of my life is just very raw and very emotional for me because it symbolizes so much for me. When I was a kid, I never imagined that I would be the me that I am today. I kinda always had this sort of joy in life and love for people but I just grew very afraid to live.
I often compare myself to the character of Esther, in the Bible and you guys, my followers, my church family, my school family, my biological family, my adopted family have all been my Mordecai. Esther was in a predicament where she needed to step outside of her comfort zone and risk her life in order to save her people. Esther was deathly afraid and did not believe that she had what it took to perform the task at hand, but Mordecai believed in her and her people believed in her. Mordecai encouraged her, spoke words of hope and wisdom into her. Her nation prayed for her. However, Esther did not believe in herself.
I often feel like Esther. For, when I did not believe in myself, I had a community of people who believed in me and encouraged me. People who see/saw in me beyond what I saw in myself. I can’t thank you guys enough for being my Mordecai. For pushing me when I did not think there was anything in me. For loving me and encouraging me and speaking words of hope and victory into me when I couldn’t see it, I couldn’t feel it. My perspective was like” Ahhh they don’t really know me.” But I’ve come to realize that I DIDN’T REALLY KNOW ME. I allowed myself to be blinded by my insecurities, and my fears, and m apprehensions....that I could not see the me that you guys saw/see and for that, I SAY THANK YOU.
My weight loss symbolizes much more than my physical appearance but what God has done on the inside of me is merely a reflection of what God has done in the inside. The inside has gone through much more of a transformation that my body could ever potentially go through and I am just in awe in this season of my life. I thank God for this journey. I see it as ministry and I believe that God has given me the ministry of, “Setting the Captives Free” and that He is empowering me with His Spirit, through my story, through my life, through my pain, through my sorrow, through my triumph to minister hope in the midst of brokenness. If God has to use my brokenness to bring glory to Himself, to win souls for his Kingdom, and to build and affirm His church to affirm that there is still a living God, there is still a healer, there is still a balm in Gilead, there is still life left in Zion.....I am honored to be that vessel.
So, here I am one year later since I recommitted my journey and I declare that, with God for me, who can be against me? God will genuinely take brokenness and turn it into beauty and that nothing that you have endured in your life is a waste. I love Jesus and as long as I have breath, and the grace of God enables me to, I will proclaim His name to the nations...that He took a girl who had settled for coasting and He said, “I have greatness for you.”...
Whatever it is in your life that you have settled for, I pray that God would shake the foundations of your life, to such a point that settling feels like failure and that you have no other option to but ABANDON FEAR AND TRUST GOD....that is my prayer!
Thank you all for loving me and encouraging me and being God’s tool, God’s vehicle to love me. I never used to realize that God genuinely loved me. Not just in theory but functionally, day in and day out God loves and pursues me and engaged in my life. I thank God that today, with confidence, I can say that I know God loves me....I don’t know how much God loves me because I don’t think the human mind can fathom the depths of God’s love but at the end of the day, “I know God loves me and HE LOVES YOU TOO.”