Saturday, July 3, 2010
Reflections on Day 33....re-living my life
What a beautiful Saturday! Today was absolutely the best day of my week. I just returned home about two hours ago from the beach. I went biking from Venice Beach to Palos Verdes and all the way back, which was about a 10-12 mile distance. Old Liana would have never gone. I would allow thoughts to haunt me, “Awww, you won’t be able to keep up with everyone else. You don’t want to be the weak link. What if you can’t bike as far of the rest?” And instead of allowing the situation to play itself out, I always hindered myself from experiencing a possible great time because I would rather self-protect. I would rather live in a state of always guarding possible moments of pain and embarrassment. I did not trust my family that they would love me enough to go at my pace. But rather, I allowed past fears, hurts and embarrassment to dictate every action and decision I made in my life. Well, today was about pushing past the barriers I have created for myself. It was about trusting that life had great things in store for me if I am willing to open my arms and welcome them on. It was about, going at my own pace regardless of what everyone else around me did and the cool part is my pace was their pace. I cruised along just as everyone else did and we rode together as a family. It was good for exercise and great for fun. I feel like I am living life all over again. I am 23 years old and I am facing my fears. Some may say, “Liana you are young, you are just now beginning to live” but when you live your entire childhood in fear, dodging throughout life, guarding and protecting yourself from people and any situation that is a perceived threat to your comfort and a sense of safety and then one day at the age of 21 you decided, “NO MORE”...it becomes very liberating and it seems like a re-birthing of sorts. So, yes I am 23 and I am re-living my life and I am loving it... I feel like I was giving a 2nd chance and I am grateful for every moment of it.